“Monster, I do smell all horse piss, at which
my nose is in great indignation. (IV, 1, lines 223-224)”
~~~
Read this
Now read this
Optionally, read these ramblings
Special thanks to Hilander for letting me ramble at him! The scorpion is for you.
~~~
Difficult stat blocks force players to think and ask questions in a fight, to try tactics, to fuck around and find out. This is good in medium doses. Not every goblin needs nested hit dice, weaknesses and immunities but like come on no two are alike. Make one of them a little trickier every once in a while. Alternatively stat a whole clan of goblins as a single creature and let them run circles around the players. Cackle while you do it.
Obviously these two posts are diametrically opposed in terms of how to do that.
Nested Monster HD is very granular, conceptually dense and requires a lot of planning by the referee. Despite its handsome layout, the stat block is a mile long and takes considerable attention (for me) to parse. Theoretically I love nested HD (I can't understate how clever I think it is) but in practice I think the stat block (pretty as it is) can be simplified considerably. In deigning to give players choices and an interesting puzzle, we have opted for too much information to track at a glance.
However, I think there's a lot to be said for its bespoke monsters. As a referee, as much as I love "1 HD AC Leather Damage 1d6 Guys", I too love buttons for me to push, monster abilities to excited about and "tricks" for the players too run into.
"Puzzle ass monsters" if of course bare bones, uninterested in the myriad numbers we relic-nerds of 3.5 worship, instead focusing on player choices and fictive positioning. The design trusts you to adjudicate these things and divine intentions and motivations from monsters via evocative text.
I also like the fresh take this system gives on classic monsters, the poetry of it. A vampire, killed only in love though the heart. Nothing more to be said.
Let's smash them together
~~~
Let's take the giant scorpion, lovely guy. Big claws, deadly stinger players will be weary of and a nasty attitude. Traditionally you would whack it to death and pray your armor and poison save protect you. Boring, static, uncouth.
Assume all attacks do 1d6 damage unless stated otherwise.
[AC] = Threshold to beat with damage e.g. AC 4 means roll 4 damage or higher or it isn't a hit
[Hit] = One blip of HP. When a monster part has 0 hits left its fucked. If that was like an integral part of being alive, its dead. Undead, oozes and automatons are very scary for this reason
(Threat) = a player may take a threat instead of a hit; a gamble. Threats can have threats.
Counter! = If you attack this part, the monster may immediately do something
Protection = Some criteria that must be met for the part or whole of the monster to even be hurt
||| = "Nested-ness"; parts nested below others indicated by extra "|" cannot be hurt until the above parts have been rendered inert or the players get clever somehow
 |
| All artwork the magnificent Tony DiTerlizzi. Dragon Magazine |
The bayonet has no notion of the charge, the poison no concept of the flesh, nor one's nature its very self
Big Claws [AC 5, 2 Hits]
Tall Spindly Legs [AC 2, 1 Hit apiece] Counter! Big Claw
Reactive-Hairs Torso [AC 5, 3 Hits] Counter! Tail Strike
| Venomous Tail* [AC 3, 1 Hit]
Range: Close (claws), Close (tail)
Threats: Grappled (claws), Grappled (limb torn off) Envenomed (tail: if you take an action, 1 automatic Hit)
*[Tail held aloft. Use reach, nets or prepared actions to hurt it. Alternatively, break all its legs]
Angry the way a hurricane is angry, hungry the way all the spaces under the earth are, sullen as all the world's children because they are children of the earth.
Stomping Boots, 3d6 [AC5, 2 Hits] Counter! Kicked damage x 5 ft. away.
| Crushing Limbs. 2d6 [AC2, 2 Hits]
| Barrel Chest [AC2, 4 Hits] Counter! Crushing Limbs.
|| War Drum Heart [1 hit] Save or Flee
| Gnashing Head [AC 2, 2 Hits] War Song. Check morale each round it sings.
Range: Intimate (heart), Close (crushing limbs, boots), Near (man-catcher, 180° arc around it)
Threats: Worship (any), Squeezing Grapple (limbs), Thrown (grappled), Freeze (Flee), Immense Structural Damage (boots, limbs), Freeze (flee)
Protected: It cannot be hurt by conventional weapons above the knees from the ground. It cannot be killed while its heart still beats, even if decapitated.
It arms its children with the weapons it collects from dusty floors swept clean
Cell Wall [AC 0, 6 Hits]
Flagella [AC2, 1 Hit]
Umbilically-Bound Clone [AC 1, 2 Hits]
Range: Intimate (engulf) Near (flagella) Intimate-Far (horrid clone)
Threats: Chemical burn (flagella), choked (flagella), Horrid clone [engulf], Heal (horrid clone), Horrible recombining mutation (flagella, engulf)
Protected: from anything but a violent chemical reaction or piercing damage it's clones can't repair
It's not her eyes that turn you to stone, but the shame she reflects back at you that you refuse to accept
Impressive Swordsmanship Counter! Parry
| Crumbling Armor [AC 3, 2 Hits]
|| Clutching Hands [AC 2, 1 Hit]
||| Lantern Eyes [1 Hit]
Range: Close (stab, parry, hands), Near (eyes), Far (slings*)
Threats: Disarm (stab), helm/blindfold torn off, eyes forced open (hands), Crippling shame, panic attack, helplessness (eyes), acknowledgement of wrongdoing (eyes), petrification (acknowledgement of wrongdoing) **
Special hits: Sense of violation, feel pain given to others, unresponsive limbs
Protection: from anyone with eyes closed, from anyone who has violated someone
*[the sling stones should be chipped pieces of petrified victims]
**[Should the player refuse the eyes and then refuse to acknowledge then they are petrified]
As much fun as they sound.
King Borgis - [AC 3, 1 Hit]
| Duke Scuzzos - [AC 3, 1 Hit]
|| Sir Mungy - [AC 3, 1 Hit]
||| Bernardo - [AC 3, 1 Hit]
||||Scuzzo, again - [AC 3, 1 Hit]*
Alterative Format
A swarm of goblins [AC 3, 5 Hits] Counter! No damage due to goblin interference
Range: Intimate (halitosis), close (soiled knife, horrendous smooch), Close + Far ("mud pie") Any (awful prank or booby trap)
Threat: Debilitating Fever (any), Flying goblin tackle (stab), Embarrassed retreat (Mud pie), Socially disgraced (any)
Special Hit: Off-putting scent, Destroyed love life
Protection: from everything as long as they're unbathed, from any non-surprise attack as long as another goblin can see it
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